Reality Check

Assalamu'alaikum.

It's like 2.51 a.m. but tiba-tiba rasa macam nak blogging cuz this blog is like really bersawang. Kesian the people that actually read this blog, um ada ke? I don't think so.

So. Reality Check.
According to UrbanDictionary yang tak berapa nak reliable, reality check is defined as a word or phrase used to bring a person back into the life of those around them, sometimes used to smash hopes and dreams.
The thing is, I'm badly in need of a reality check. Why? Cause I'm that stuck up. It's like I just need someone to scream "Kau fikir kau bagus sangat ke?" at me.

One of the most common questions kat ask.fm is permintaan untuk describe. The truth is tak ada sesiapa yang sampai hati untuk describe sejujurnya. There are times I just wish I could like read peoples' minds to know what they actually think of me, but I know I won't get the answers that I want.

I'm not the nicest girl on the planet.
Nor am I the most caring
And I make lots of wrong choices in life.

Kadang-kadang when I see people doing nice, considerate things, I'd be like, would I actually do that if I was in they're shoes? Tengok What Would You Do and I was like, I would actually be the one running away. Why? Because I run away from problems, I don't solve them. I keep hoping that someone else would clean up my mess, and usually there are people like that.

Kadang-kadang, I'm like an X-ray.
Kesalahan orang sentiasa nampak.
Diri sendiri?    

Sombong, dasar manusia sombong.
Judgemental.
Perasan bagus.

The most stupid thing?
Sedar semua ni
Tapi tak berubah.

I've tried, God knows, I've tried.
But it's not working.
Selalu tersungkur balik.
Sebab tak ada pendirian.
Dan usaha pun, tak gigih.

Those times when I know I'm doing something wrong,
Yet I still do it.  
Those times when I see something wrong
Yet I don't do anything about it.

I'm afraid of the truth.

Bila kena batang hidung sendiri,
Bila diri sendiri kena aniaya,
Rasa macam everyone is so inconsiderate.
Tak sedar,
Diri sendiri tu pun pernah aniaya orang.

Kau fikir cool sangat ke jadi sarkastik melebih?
Kau tak fikir orang lain terasa.  

I want someone to scream
STOP IT.
You're not the smartest in the world
You're not the nicest in the world
You're surely not the prettiest in the world
Nor are you the best daughter
Nor are you the best friend
Nor are you the best Muslim
And it's about time you realised that.

Bila fikir balik, baru sedar. Sakit bila sedar.

I'm used to getting what I want.
You know what's bad about that?
I don't realise yang tak confirm aku terlepas dari segala azab kubur, azab neraka.

I need a reality check.
I really do.

A Tribute to Einsteinium 1317.

Assalamu'alaikum.

Someone decided to stream the classes. The classes yang the members had build a strong bond between the members, the classes which the members loved each other walaupun menyampah tahap gaban sekali pun, the classes which had members who were united in everything.

Sekarang?

You'll say you're always gonnaa be an Einsteinium with all your heart. But the reality is, when time passes, those would only be words. You won't be a pure Einsteinium 1317 anymore. No one would. Even if they decide next year we can get back to our original classes, it won't be the same. Even though we're still in the same batch, the same college, it won't. It just won't.

So while the love for Einsteinium 1317 is still warm, while the longing for us to reunite in one class again is still piercing, while the wounds are still bleeding, allow me to write a tribute to the genius sleepy heads of the most quiet class in Loistava XI: Einsteinium 1317. This is to:

The ever-caring, lovely Ms. Nurul Munirah Safian.
The gentleman of a president, Iskandar Damierel.
The responsible, garang vice president, Hasya 'Aqilah.
The little, immature kitty-cat, Ain Sofeah.
The Sven-loving Taylor Lautner, Aliff Addin.
The quiet, shy Aliyyah Syafiqah.
The sharp-tongued goal-keeper, Amir Harith.
The focused, diligent panda, Amirah Natasya.
The petite, gedik-in-an-adorable-way Anis Suraya.
The naive, innocent twin, Hanin Dayani.
The crazy, bold, MCR fan, Hazirah Adlina.
The adorable, squeaky Bruno Mars, Iskandar Dzulkarnain.
The math-freak of a duck, Izwan Mohni.
The drunk square-headed Adud, Muhd Haziq.
The singing sleepy-head, Faiq Irfan.
The overexcited-but-patient librarian, Muhd Irfan.
The jiwang sweet-talker, Syahir Yusli.
The college taiko, Nur Iffah.
The dramatic debater, Izny Hidayati.
The selamba, direct Nurfarahin.
The sweet, kind-hearted Najwa Afiqah.
The straight-forward unexpected Aisyah Masrudin.
The slightly-annoying-but-actually-really-nice Syazwi.

The memories will sooner or later fade, leaving nothing but faint scars etched in my heart. But for now, I'll cherish whatever I can grasp:

Singing Anak Malaysia like crazy on the stage during Merdeka
Painting Japanese flags for UNGA
Playing Truth or Dare in class
Pranking each other during birthdays
Cheering until our throats hurt during tuju selipar
Painting the banner for Salvation Version II
Admiring our fab class board
Simply being our crazy selves who automatically become quiet in class

Dear Einsteinium 1317,
I love you.

dileraikan ikatan
dicarikkan hubungan
diretakkan persahabatan
benar?
benar, kalau kau iyakan
salah, kalau kau tidakkan
kalau kau perjuangkan
kalau kau teguhkan
ikatan kita
Einsteinium 1317.

Selamat maju jaya.

penghujung.

Assalamu'alaikum.

Ramadhan is almost over! :((
Sehubungan dengan itu, just some pics culik from tumblr.
Okay tipu. Sebenarnya curi from PPSP maktab hasil pencarian orang lain from tumblr.
Tak nak merepek dah.

since when?

Assalamu'alaikum, salam Ramadhan Kareem.

I really really really should get some sleep. REALLY. Kalau tak esok membuta sampai petang ahaks bakal mertua baca confirm tak jadi amik jadi menantu. Last night pulak memang stay up study SST and KHB sampai 2 am or something, and bas pergi airport tadi pulak diawalkan around 1.30 pm eventhough flight 4.35 pm. So tadi pun qada' tidur dalam flight and gap paper KH dengan balik je.

Tamat mukadimah di situ.

So my since when is SINCE WHEN aku tulis puisi?
Jangan tak percaya, I wrote that poem okay kawan-kawan. Tak ciplak.
I haven't tulis these puisi stuff dah lama. Sebab dulu sibuk nak buat bagi sastera-sastera yang end up jadi corny habis.

So if tiba-tiba I keep posting puisi random,
jangan terkejut.

Random

Assalamu'alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh.

It's like 2 something am and I have like loads of Physics homework yang diberi nama Phykir ugh whaddaheck yang tak siap lagi and esok dah balik maktab. Blech.

Purpose? Entry ni mainly sebab a) tak nak buat Physics b) there's this one reader nagging me to update Hi Farahin I appreciate it really c) sebab me myself dah muak tengok behind the curtains tu. So I'm just gonna lompat from one tajuk to another here :)

Salam Ramadhan! It's your choice to make it the fasting month or the feasting month =D ugh you know what dah malas nak taip anything so

 

I know this this dah bersepah-sepah kat internet tapi I don't wanna ruin anything. Nak tunggu jugak September 4. Saya memang obsessed and fanatic gila nak mati dengan TFiOS sampai kawan-kawan dan menyampah but you know what? The world is not a wish-granting factory.

Wassalam.

behind the curtains.

Assalamu'alaikum.

Homework chemistry ternganga dekat tepi ni but my decision is final. Tamau buat. So here I am, merosakkan mata depan lappy ni macam power spec sebelah 250 sebelah lagi 300 tak cukup lagi sebelum pergi tengok Anugerah Bintang Popular Berita Harian.

Back to the main objective mengapakah saya memilih untuk meraban di sini.

So awal bulan Mei hari tu I went for debate. HAHA lawok kan? Tak, tak lawok sebenarnya sebab saya jadi reserve je kat belakang tanpa buat apa-apa kecuali tangkapkan gambar // polaroid untuk orang. Sedih, kan? Travel bukan main jauh dari Langkawi ke Pengkalan Chepa untuk jadi photographer.

Which brings me to the title of this entry: behind the curtains.
(ada maktab mana ntah ulang berapa juta kali "behind the curtains" "they are trying to hide behind the curtains" "there is something behind the curtains" meluat den)

Sebelum ni memang heartbroken gila tak dapat debate. Bukannya teammate lain tak bagi, saya je yang tak confident. Tak ada niat nak jadi choy, tapi ntahlah. Rasa macam tak boleh buat, lagi-lagi motion pelik-pelik, opponent ganas-ganas.

30 minutes prep time, teammate lain tersembur-sembur air liur bagi idea, terseliuh jari tulis ilham. I was just sitting around and bukan sebab malas tapi sebab blurr + blank. Kerja selak dictionary cari definition je. Ya Allah, terima kasih sebab kurniakan hambaMu ini teammate yang cukup sabar melayan. "Mia, if you have any ideas, just jot them down!" "Mia, next time, give more ideas okay! *100 watt smile*"

Baik betul. Kerja pujuk saya je. When I said I didn't think I was contributing, they were like, "Aww, don't say that!" although benda tu memang betul and they couldn't even come up with any proof that I was doing something for the team.

Sedih. Sumpah sedih.
Rasa useless gila, datang jejauh tak tolong team pun.
Tak masuk sidang langsung.
I saw it in my teammates eyes that they already gave up on me but they didn't show it at all.
They kept smiling and saying that I could do it.
Which made me think that maybe I can.
Next time.
Next time.
Next time.
Sampai habis preliminary rounds.
Then tak lepas octo.

Behind the curtains of being almost just a beban to the team,
Allah kurniakan saya pertemuan dengan manusia-manusia yang cukup baik dan supportive.
Cukup sabar.
A bond that I think I would never join if it wasn't for this.
Syukur Ya Allah.
Kak Sufia, Kak Aishah, Kak Mun..
This is for you.
Thank you and I love you to the moon and back :)

#prayforMH370

Assalamu'alaikum.

That's it.
They finally found it.
Under the sea, crashed under the waves, in the deep deep South Indian Ocean.
It all happened, all of a sudden.
Don't question, coz Allah dah berfirman,
Kun fayakun.
The youngest passenger was reported to be two years old.
Just two years old.
Dahlah, kita pun tak tahu bila hari kita.
Bertaubatlah and that includes me.
My condolences for the friends and family of the victims.
Quoted from Maira Elizabeth Nari, daughter of ketua pramugara Andrew Nari,
We love you, but He loves you more.

Al-Faatihah.
Amin.

Kena Rampas.

 

I really really really want my MP3 back.  

Baru lagi kot. 

//padanmukasiapasuruhbawapergiprep//

Fat.

Assalamu'alaikum.

I've decided to delete loads of crap that's on my blog. Lame habis. Dahlah dah tiga bulan tak update coz memang dah three months since I last came home. Yeah, stuck on an island for three months. Jetjet terseksa je, actually maktab life is awesomesauce so I don't really mind.

Back to the title. FAT. 

 

I've encountered people like this a lot in my life. Dahlah ada thigh gap, boleh pulak mengaku gemuk. Itu sesungguhnya meminta reunion antara my foot and her face. #lawakhambar  

Guys keep making fun of girls coz they're crazy about wanting to be skinny // super thin // etcetera.  

Girls including me. 

Yes, I iz gemoks. BMI said so. Tak adalah obese, tapi at the very end of ideal. To a girl, that is considered gemoks. Baju raya two years back pun tak muat coz ketat. The whole wardrobe kena tukar. Memang many girls takut gemuk and obses dengan keinginan nak kurus. You know why? 

Lelaki suka sangat ejek perempuan takut gemuk. But honestly, as a guy with desires, would you really honestly want a fat chick? Media sendiri dah momokkan kepada kita yang fat is ugly, skinny is pretty. Siap ada term sendiri - thinspiration, interpreted as "inspirations on how to be thin". This thing is really happening. 

I've seen fat (like, the really overweight) people being ridiculed, taunted, laughed at. They're the laughing stock of the society. Kalau ada artis badan naik, 40 hari 40 malam jadi bual bicara orang. Take Pitch Perfect, betapa Fat Amy tu dijadikan bahan lawak. And you want to question where aneroxia came from. 

Cosmopolitan made a remark on a "plus-sized" model. Model tu elok je kurus, cuma tak sampai tahap nampak tulang je. Rasa BMI dia tu tak sampai 20 pun. Take Barbie dolls, the icon // benchmark of beauty. Kurus kedengkiang. What if they made dolls like this? 

 

Almost all the time, terdetik, "aku nak kurus." Puih. Riadah tak mau, makan banyak, ada hati nak kurus. In yo dreams la sayang. Lagi-lagi bila sedara-mara komen, "dah gemuk." "what happened?" "wah wah double chin" "bahagia ke makan kat langkawi?" "emmm dah lain la" buat rasa insecure, fobia nak jumpa kengkawan lama. 

So what if I'm fat? Looks don't matter, what's inside is important! Di sisi Allah, yang penting taqwa. Yes, absolutely. Tapi nak hidup dekat dunia with all the imperfect humans with shallow minds (that includes me and excludes some people) actually looks do matter.  

  

Not really desperate for love at first sight or anything. Seriously. But you know, first impression, society's perception yada yada yada. It matters. It really does. 

Mia will try to lose weight, I guess? *sambil makan chipsmore*