Reality Check

Assalamu'alaikum.

It's like 2.51 a.m. but tiba-tiba rasa macam nak blogging cuz this blog is like really bersawang. Kesian the people that actually read this blog, um ada ke? I don't think so.

So. Reality Check.
According to UrbanDictionary yang tak berapa nak reliable, reality check is defined as a word or phrase used to bring a person back into the life of those around them, sometimes used to smash hopes and dreams.
The thing is, I'm badly in need of a reality check. Why? Cause I'm that stuck up. It's like I just need someone to scream "Kau fikir kau bagus sangat ke?" at me.

One of the most common questions kat ask.fm is permintaan untuk describe. The truth is tak ada sesiapa yang sampai hati untuk describe sejujurnya. There are times I just wish I could like read peoples' minds to know what they actually think of me, but I know I won't get the answers that I want.

I'm not the nicest girl on the planet.
Nor am I the most caring
And I make lots of wrong choices in life.

Kadang-kadang when I see people doing nice, considerate things, I'd be like, would I actually do that if I was in they're shoes? Tengok What Would You Do and I was like, I would actually be the one running away. Why? Because I run away from problems, I don't solve them. I keep hoping that someone else would clean up my mess, and usually there are people like that.

Kadang-kadang, I'm like an X-ray.
Kesalahan orang sentiasa nampak.
Diri sendiri?    

Sombong, dasar manusia sombong.
Judgemental.
Perasan bagus.

The most stupid thing?
Sedar semua ni
Tapi tak berubah.

I've tried, God knows, I've tried.
But it's not working.
Selalu tersungkur balik.
Sebab tak ada pendirian.
Dan usaha pun, tak gigih.

Those times when I know I'm doing something wrong,
Yet I still do it.  
Those times when I see something wrong
Yet I don't do anything about it.

I'm afraid of the truth.

Bila kena batang hidung sendiri,
Bila diri sendiri kena aniaya,
Rasa macam everyone is so inconsiderate.
Tak sedar,
Diri sendiri tu pun pernah aniaya orang.

Kau fikir cool sangat ke jadi sarkastik melebih?
Kau tak fikir orang lain terasa.  

I want someone to scream
STOP IT.
You're not the smartest in the world
You're not the nicest in the world
You're surely not the prettiest in the world
Nor are you the best daughter
Nor are you the best friend
Nor are you the best Muslim
And it's about time you realised that.

Bila fikir balik, baru sedar. Sakit bila sedar.

I'm used to getting what I want.
You know what's bad about that?
I don't realise yang tak confirm aku terlepas dari segala azab kubur, azab neraka.

I need a reality check.
I really do.