behind the curtains.

Assalamu'alaikum.

Homework chemistry ternganga dekat tepi ni but my decision is final. Tamau buat. So here I am, merosakkan mata depan lappy ni macam power spec sebelah 250 sebelah lagi 300 tak cukup lagi sebelum pergi tengok Anugerah Bintang Popular Berita Harian.

Back to the main objective mengapakah saya memilih untuk meraban di sini.

So awal bulan Mei hari tu I went for debate. HAHA lawok kan? Tak, tak lawok sebenarnya sebab saya jadi reserve je kat belakang tanpa buat apa-apa kecuali tangkapkan gambar // polaroid untuk orang. Sedih, kan? Travel bukan main jauh dari Langkawi ke Pengkalan Chepa untuk jadi photographer.

Which brings me to the title of this entry: behind the curtains.
(ada maktab mana ntah ulang berapa juta kali "behind the curtains" "they are trying to hide behind the curtains" "there is something behind the curtains" meluat den)

Sebelum ni memang heartbroken gila tak dapat debate. Bukannya teammate lain tak bagi, saya je yang tak confident. Tak ada niat nak jadi choy, tapi ntahlah. Rasa macam tak boleh buat, lagi-lagi motion pelik-pelik, opponent ganas-ganas.

30 minutes prep time, teammate lain tersembur-sembur air liur bagi idea, terseliuh jari tulis ilham. I was just sitting around and bukan sebab malas tapi sebab blurr + blank. Kerja selak dictionary cari definition je. Ya Allah, terima kasih sebab kurniakan hambaMu ini teammate yang cukup sabar melayan. "Mia, if you have any ideas, just jot them down!" "Mia, next time, give more ideas okay! *100 watt smile*"

Baik betul. Kerja pujuk saya je. When I said I didn't think I was contributing, they were like, "Aww, don't say that!" although benda tu memang betul and they couldn't even come up with any proof that I was doing something for the team.

Sedih. Sumpah sedih.
Rasa useless gila, datang jejauh tak tolong team pun.
Tak masuk sidang langsung.
I saw it in my teammates eyes that they already gave up on me but they didn't show it at all.
They kept smiling and saying that I could do it.
Which made me think that maybe I can.
Next time.
Next time.
Next time.
Sampai habis preliminary rounds.
Then tak lepas octo.

Behind the curtains of being almost just a beban to the team,
Allah kurniakan saya pertemuan dengan manusia-manusia yang cukup baik dan supportive.
Cukup sabar.
A bond that I think I would never join if it wasn't for this.
Syukur Ya Allah.
Kak Sufia, Kak Aishah, Kak Mun..
This is for you.
Thank you and I love you to the moon and back :)